My Nest is Emptier

Nicholas 2 and Arden 4 -- about 16 years ago.

As a young person I couldn't get out into the world fast enough.  I was ready to conquer the world and was grateful for the springboard provided by my hard working  Mom and Dad.  Only, I didn't realize then just how hard working they were and how much they did for me.  Truth be told, I thought I was done with my parents.  The folly of my youth. It pains me to admit it, but it took me years to get past that misconception.  A little confidence and knowledge can be an unruly evil beast when not perceived fully.

As I young mother I laughed in the face of the "Empty Nest Syndrome." It would be a lifetime before I would have to worry about such psychological psycho babble.  I would have a thriving successful career, lots of friends and more than enough to fill any relational void my children would leave.

I did make an effort to embrace every phase of my children's lives. "Oh what a relief it will be when the children are out of diapers!" friends would offer.  "Such independence you'll have when they are off too school all day" and on the sage advice of hurriers of times passage.  My least favorite comment was when folks would tell me -- "If you think this age is tough, just wait until they are teenagers."  Great.  Thanks for the encouragement.

I needed my parents again -- sometimes close by, sometimes more of a distance was what I wanted. There was a growing sense that my parents were always going to be in a relationship with me.  One day I fumbled with my words as I tried to tell my mom how much I loved my children. "Honey," she interjected, "that's how I've always felt about you."  At that moment love crashed in and I finally understood.  I didn't just discover parental love, it had been going on for the ages.  I finally had an adequate emotional experience to understand my mom and dad's love.

My children are incredible wonderful young adults.  They are smart, loving beautiful people and I am so proud to be part of their journey. In the picture above, my son Nicholas is now almost 18 and a senior in high school. My daughter, Arden is 20 and in college.  They are both independent people eager to make their own way in the world.  That is how it should be --- it is the way of life. 

They spend less and less time at home with me. And, yes, I know that is the normal thing.  BUT I am not completely happy about it. This empty nest thing is real.  There is so much space in life that used to be filled by all the things of having children. So, I'm on the next stage of my journey.  Change is not my favorite thing either.

 Adventure is something that I do enjoy.  I am so very fortunate because I have four best friends -- my husband, my mom, Arden and Nicholas.  I am loved and I love completely and whole heartedly.  Sometimes it hurts to do that, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

My nest? For now I'm fluffing and refeathering it, looking for what's next.  Whatever I do, I am quite sure that my heart will never be empty.